Father of the Year

I pride myself in my ability to embarrass my teenage son. It's a skill I picked up from my own father, who was a master.

But neither Dad nor I are in the same league as the Jedi Master of all fathers.

You must read about the exploits of Utah's Dale Price.

I feel like I'm not even worthy to write his name. I tip my cap to you, sir.

Weinergate

I watched the press conference yesterday, and the subsequent coverage and recapping of the press conference.

Andrew Breitbart, the conservative blogger who broke the story, was crowing because he actually got this story right. As Stephen Colbert pointed out last night, that makes Breitbart correct in 1 of the 4 big stories he has broken. (The others: NPR, ACORN, and Shirley Sherrod were incredibly dishonestly presented). Don't scoff. Breitbart's now batting .250. That's good enough to start at any position for the Cubs this year.

But to me, the one show I wanted to see handle the subject was Eliot Spitzer's show on CNN (for obvious reasons). Here's how that went.

Spitzer said the press conference was "cringe worthy" (which of course it was), but added something none of us could have added: "Believe me, I know. I've been there."

Bono the Hitchhiker

I thought this was an interesting story this morning in the RAMP newsletter...

Edmonton Oilers center Gilbert Brule and his girlfriend Kelsey Nichols just happened to be passing by in a driving rain storm and saw a hitchhiker. Brule did a double-take, swearing that the rain-drenched guy they just passed was Bono, but Nichols wasn't convinced, as she later told CTV. "I didn't want to stop, but they waved, and Gilbert yelled, 'That's Bono!'" Nichols recalled. "I said, 'No, we're not picking up a hitchhiker. We're going to die.'"

Cooler heads prevailed, and Brule picked up the soaking wet Bono, who rewarded the couple with tickets and backstage passes to U2's show in Edmonton. According to published reports, Brule asked Bono where he wanted to go, and Bono replied, "Just take me to where The Edge is." Bono recounted his experience on stage in Edmonton the following night, telling the audience, "I like ice hockey, because people who play ice hockey are the kind of people who pick up hitchhikers," he said. "I know this from personal experience."

Who needs regulation?

Every time I hear a politician complain that industry is over-regulated in this country, I think about stories like this: You know that e-coli strain that is killing people in Europe? Our farmers and food processors are not even required to test for it.

Here's a little description of what this e-coli strain has already done: "It has been linked to more than 1,600 illnesses and 18 deaths. About 500 people — an unusually large percentage of those who have been sickened — have developed a life-threatening kidney complication known as hemolytic uremic syndrome, for which there is no treatment."

But please, FDA, don't put too much pressure on our food producers and processors. We don't want a big-government nanny-state treading on our liberty.

Weiner calls the cops

One of the big uproars about Anthony's Weiner's wiener-gate scandal is that he didn't call the cops to investigate his account being hacked. Well, he finally called the cops yesterday, but not to investigate the hack.

He called the cops to get rid of a reporter.

This is not going well for him.

Blago

The must read column during the Blago trial remains John Kass' column.

Another gem this morning about the first day of cross-examination. Turns out, there was a very good reason Blago didn't testify in that first trial.

Here's the way Kass put it...

Federal prosecutors don't usually get much practice at cross-examining defendants in political corruption cases because defendant politicians are usually too smart to take the witness stand. Blagojevich, already a convicted liar, had no choice but to roll the dice.

When the jurors filed out, Rod didn't even try to make eye contact.

His wife, Patti, stood up, anxious, smoothing her skirt with nervous hands, reaching for him like some heartbroken Little League mom whose third-grader had just struck out with the bases loaded as the team lost the big game.

Doesn't that paint a picture? Kass is a gifted writer.

Fireworks cancelled

The City of Chicago announced that it is canceling it's big July 4th fireworks display, thereby saving the city in the neighborhood of $1 million.

I attended that fireworks display many times when I lived downtown...although I only went because I lived right there. We could watch it from my building's rooftop. I know this will make me sound like a curmudgeon, but I never even considered going down there for the insanity since we moved out to the suburbs. Too many people. Not that exciting.

Weiner Update

Anthony Weiner did a bunch of interviews yesterday to calm the furor over his "Wiener-tweet," and I have to say, as someone that really wants to believe him...those interviews didn't go so well. (A recap is here in the Washington Post)

He was categorical in denying that he sent the picture of the wiener in the underpants to the woman in question, but he wouldn't deny it was his wiener in the underpants.

Really?

Who doesn't know exactly how many pictures were taken of his own wiener in his own underpants, and what those pictures look like? Let me look in my file here...oh wait, that's right...I've never taken a picture like that in my life. Who has?

(John Kass wrote about this morning too.)

Weinergate

If you weren't paying attention to the news this weekend (like me), you may have missed the incredibly strange story of Weinergate.

The full story is here.

It involves a hacked twitter account, a photo of a man's fully aroused underwear, a college coed, Representative Anthony Weiner, and a conservative blogosphere that took the story and ran with it long before any facts were revealed.

The Blago Trial

I love the way John Kass describes Blago's performance on the witness stand yesterday.

Rod filled the jury with stories involving emotion, about his feelings and his fears. He was the star of his own Lifetime movie. He explained that he's ashamed of his narcissism. He reveled in his childhood heartbreaks. He described how self-conscious he was as a young man when he realized — all clad in polyester and leather at Northwestern University — that he didn't have the right clothes.

"As I got older," he said wistfully, "I started wearing less polyester."

I wish it was televised. I would have watched that.

Bieber's Tattoo

That's right. Bieber's got a tattoo.

Haven't I always said that Bieber was a badass?

Now I have to hand paint the tattoo on my Bieber doll.

Lance Armstrong

I wouldn't want to be Lance Armstrong today. I don't know if you saw the piece on 60 Minutes last night, but it was devastating. (Scott Pelley called it "a painful interview")

I watched the entire interview of Tyler Hamilton, and I consider myself a pretty good judge of people. He was clearly pained to be saying what he was saying, because he didn't want to throw anybody under the bus. He was given immunity, but it was conditional immunity, meaning that if he tells any lies about this case at all--the deal is off the table. If he was lying, it was an Academy Award performance.

He answered every single defense that Lance Armstrong has been using (including "no positive drug tests") and left Armstrong with no out but to call Hamilton a liar. That may work on people that didn't see the interview. It won't work with me.

The Botox Mom

You've probably heard all about that horrible mother that injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox. Well, she now claims she didn't do it. She was just lying to make some money...and was forcing her 8-year-old to go along with it. Nice.

Interesting defense. "I'm not a monster. I'm just a fraud teaching fraudulent practices to an 8-year-old."

The lovechild's mama

Pictures are here.

Her first name is Mildred. And she's what the Germans like to call "zaftig."

If you look at her, and then look at Maria, I think it's fair to say that Arnold doesn't have a "type."

Exploding Watermelons

Remember the old commercial featuring Mother Nature? In that commercial she said the wise words: "It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature."

Here's another example of what happens when you do: Exploding Watermelons

Arnold's Love Child

The LA Times broke the story about the reason for Arnold's separation from Maria...he accidentally fathered a love child with someone on their household staff 10 years ago!

"You see, Maria, I vas valking down ze hallway, und, um, I tripped over ze laundry basket, und I didn't see her, but Fraulein Consuela vas scrubbing ze floor naked, und I said "Vatch Out!" but I must have bumped into her. I vould have told you sooner, but I then I became ze Governor, und it kind of slipped my mind, until little Hans here started lifting veights."

I have to admit that I get a kick out of stories like this because they make me look like a great husband. As I reminded Bridget this morning, our household staff has never been touched (or hired).

Big Day in Chicago

Da Bulls
(Beat the hated Heat)

Da Mayor
(Offically takes over)

Man with Jetpack Flies over Grand Canyon

This is pretty wild...



Read the full story about the guy here.

60%

The latest AP/Gfk Poll has some incredible news for President Obama. His approval rating is now at 60%! That's the highest it's been in two years.

Of course, the first President Bush had similar approval ratings a year before he lost to an unknown governor from Arkansas, and many things can go wrong between now and November 2012, but the Obama camp has got to be excited about those numbers.

I suspect we'll be hearing about a new "outrage" in the coming weeks, as the Republicans fight back.

The Beefcake Congressman

The person on the cover of Men's Health magazine this month is none other than Illinois Republican Congressman Aaron Schock. He's trying to promote fitness, but it is raising some eyebrows in Washington and his home town of Peoria.

As for me, I'm pretty darn ticked off. Let me just say this one last time for all of you photo editors out there. You DO NOT have my permission to keep photo-shopping other people's faces onto my body. It's an insult to the many hours I spend each day waxing and buffing my torso.